


You're dripping like a saturated sunrise

by Dylanobrienisbatman



Series: Incantava [5]
Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post Fight, They Understand Each Other, They talk, edoardo is hurt but he loves her, edoardo knows her better than she thinks he does, ele is scared of how she feels, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-02-04 08:39:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18600982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dylanobrienisbatman/pseuds/Dylanobrienisbatman
Summary: It has been days since her fight with Edoardo, and she feels lost, like at any moment she might just shatter. She sees him across the courtyard at school, and she feel his pain from what feels like miles away. He asks, and they talk. Eleonora finally realises that she's terrified, but for all the right reasons.





	You're dripping like a saturated sunrise

Eleonora felt like her insides were trying to claw their way out of her skin, burning and itching beneath the layers that held her together.

She and her friends were in the courtyard, chattering away about nothing, when Edoardo and his friends had come outside.

Silvia had started in immediately, talking about how handsome he was. How he was the best kisser she’d ever met. How much she wanted to comfort him because he had seemed sad the last few days.

Silvia’s voice was the only sound she could hear, pounding in her ears, as she looked across the stone and looked at him.

His curls were soft, falling over his forehead. He had on a blue button up, maybe the one he had worn to Federica’s party so long ago. But what caught her attention most was his eyes, rimmed red and sad.

She could only imagine hers looked much the same.

He looked up and caught her looking at him, and she meant to look away, meant to turn her head and go back to pretending like Silvia’s comments didn’t make her want to scream, but she couldn’t. All she could do was look at him.

She opened her mouth like she wanted to speak, and he lifted his phone from his pocket, gesturing to it.

He waited, for some kind of sign.

She nodded almost imperceptibly.

She missed him. Everything about him. The way he smelled when he was close, the way his hair felt beneath her fingers, the way his warmth seemed to seep into her skin even from a distance… but mostly the way he made her feel.

Beautiful.

Comfortable.

Happy.

Safe.

Even after the fight, she still felt it. He would walk into a room and it suddenly felt like nothing in the world would be able to touch her.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she yanked it out to see a text from him.

 **Edoardo:** Window in the stairwell? Silvia is out here, she wont see.

Even now, he was making sure to protect her, even from something she had caused.

She nodded at him again, and grabbed her bag.

“Sorry,” She said, to her friends confused faces, “I forgot I had to talk with Mr. Giordano.” She pressed kisses into all of their cheeks, lingering longest on Silvia, before she turned and walked towards the door, passing through the group of his friends still standing in the courtyard.

The look Fede gave her made her feel small, like somehow he could see right through her skin and into her thoughts.

She climbed the stairs slowly, even though she could see him through the bars watching her. She approached him, and felt herself shrink. She had never felt small around him, if anything he made her feel like she could conquer the world, so this feeling was foreign. It terrified her.

She was only inches from him, and all she wanted was to wrap herself up in him again, to feel safe and warm again, but the look in his eyes broke her heart, so she wrapped her arms around herself instead.

They stood in silence for a moment, the air tense.

She had so many things she wanted to say, her heart ached just thinking about the vile things that had spilled from her lips the last time they had spoken.

The words came pouring out before she could stop them, all jumbled and mangled, just falling from her lips like fall leaves, broken and dying, but somehow full of meaning.

“I’m so sorry I said… that I said those things I just… You… I’m sorry Edoardo I’m sorry.”

She saw his fingers flex by his side, like he wanted to reach out and hold her, but he held them down and she squeezed her arms a little tighter.

“What you said… I… you hurt me, Eleonora.” His voice was soft, and shaky. “I know that… what I did scared you… but I was just trying to… Fuck I dont know Ele. I was trying to help them, and Fede was on the ground, and I just reacted. But you didn’t… you never… and then you said those things about my… family… I just…” He wasn’t finishing his thoughts, and she knew it was because he didn’t want to hurt her, even now.

Even now, when her words had sliced through his skin like a knife, leaving him bleeding out on the pavement where they had fought, the remnants of him lingering there, he was trying to protect her. He felt miles away, even inches from her, even when she could feel the warmth from his skin.

“Please just be angry with me.” She whispered, letting the thing she needed most seep out.

She needed him to feel like he could tell her how he felt, without worrying that she would shatter.

She was breakable, and delicate, but she had spent her whole life building a wall up around the porcelain that made her, wrapping it around her skin perfectly so keep it safe inside. She had just started to lower the bricks down, so let him see, but they couldn’t ever get anywhere if he felt like he had to keep himself in check, and hidden from her.

“What?” He whispered, lifting his arms only to lower them again. She wished he would touch her.

“Be angry with me. You can be angry with me, I’m… I was wrong. I deserve it. Don’t hide and push your anger down for my sake.” She felt the tears welling in her eyes and she bit at her cheeks and blinked furiously to keep them at bay.

“Ele I’m not…” He rubbed his face furiously, like he was trying to scrub away the days past. “I’m not angry, Eleonora. I’m hurt.”

“But I-“

“You said awful things, but I’m not angry with you. You hurt me, but you… I know you. You may not think I do, but I do. I know you were trying to hurt me, you were trying to push me away. When I said you weren’t obligated to be with me, I was… I was giving you a chance to decide. If you wanted to be with me, you could say so, but if you didn’t… I was letting you have an out. I know you were trying to push me away before I hurt you like everyone else, but you pushing me away… that was…” He let out a long breath that felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

“I’m scared.”

“Of me?” He asked, his voice small.

“No. Well… yes. But not… of you. I’m not scared of you, I’m scared of this. Of the way you make me feel. I’m scared of how worried I was when you were fighting. I’m scared of how much I do want to be with you. I’m scared of how much I hope you keep that promise from the car. I’m scared to death of how I’ll feel if you dont.”

“Ele.” His voice was so soft, like he was trying to keep her safe from the world with it.

“I just… You make me feel… different. Then anyone else ever has. You make me feel like I could actually get hurt.”

He looked at her, puzzled.

“I push people away. I push them away so they don’t hurt me, because my parents.. I push them away first. But you… I don’t know Edoardo. You make me feel like no matter how much I push you won’t go, because you know I don’t really want you to, and then someday, you’ll hurt me, by accident, and I just… I feel like I have no control.”

She was almost rocking back and forth now, clawing at her own arms, unable to wrap herself up enough. Enough for what she wasn’t sure, maybe to disappear, maybe to just fold into herself, but she was terrified.

She felt herself falling in love with him and she was terrified.

As if on queue, he reached out gently, slowly, and cupped her face with his right hand, brushing her cheek with his thumb.

“Ele, I can promise all day that I won’t hurt you, but the fact is you’re right. One day, entirely by mistake, I might. But..I would never hurt you on purpose.” He stepped closer, and she leaned into his hand, reaching up to hold onto his arm, anchoring herself in him. “I’m here, always. You can talk to me. We can slow down, we can just… be. I’m not going anywhere, and you don’t have to be afraid of this, or me.”

“I just-“

He leaned in and pressed a kiss into her forehead, and finally wrapped himself around her, his arms coming down over her shoulders to pull her into his chest, pressing her into him as tightly as he could. She felt herself finally breathe for the first time in days.

He smelled the same. He still felt warm. He still made her feel safe.

She whispered it into his chest, softly.

“Hmm?” He hummed, and she leaned back a little to look up at him. He pressed his forehead to hers.

“Even though I’m terrified, you make me feel safe.” She whispered, the air between them finally starting to thaw. “I think thats what scares me the most. Loosing that. I’ve never felt like this… I’ve never had anyone whose presence makes me feel so safe.”

He smiled, brushing their noses together, the sunlight streaming around them, bathing them in soft light.

He lifted a hand to cup her neck, sliding back a little into her hair.

“I will always be here, Eleonora.”

The fear she felt was still there, an ever present ache in her gut, but it was surrounded by the warmth of him. This person, who made every feeling inside her conflict with itself, because as much as she was afraid of their unknown future, she knew she wanted to be part of it.

She leaned up on her toes a little, pressing a kiss into his lips, before burying her face into his chest, and wrapping her arms around his waist.

He held her, there in the stairwell, for what felt like years.

She felt the porcelain of her skin start to mend, like he was slowly putting the chipped pieces back together.


End file.
